Snippets From My Nigerian Trip

 A London-based cousin with a funny attitude.

I recently wrote about one London-based cousin who always tries to avoid me in public for whatever reason best known to him. The first time he met me in London around 2004, this cousin still asked if I really graduated from Unilorin because he learnt I was expelled for activism and journalism! (Wetin concern him if I no graduate for God’s sake?).

This cousin is a comedian, Gani is not forcing himself on you, I don’t even need you for anything. You send me come London?

My own blood brother shielded him from a bullet when armed robbers invaded his father’s house in Agege when he returned (was he deported?) from Germany in the 1990s.

When I arrived at Lagos airport on the 9th of August, 2019, as I was passing through the immigration, I noticed somebody gently pulled my shirt. It was this cousin with a strange attitude….enjoy our drama.

Cousin: Gani, so you’re on the same flight with me from Dubai?

Gani : Yes, Egbon mi. I flew from Glasgow to Dubai but I did not notice you, plenty Naija people on board jare.

Cousin: Are you also in Nigeria for Sallah celebration?

Gani : I am in Nigeria for some projects and personal matters, not really for Sallah celebration.(I did not tell him of my father’s sickness, main reason for my emergency visit!)

This cousin noticed my ‘unfriendly’ attitude as I replied his words, he did not even ask for my phone number in Nigeria or in the United Kingdom. He just asked for my brother(who risked his life as he took a bullet for him in the 1990s!).

I told him he lives in Idimu area of Lagos. This cousin, my mother’s father sponsored his father to a school in Sierra Leone in the 1950s. Let me stop there because walls have inner ears.

2.Jagunmolu Vs Bakatari Police Officers.

Bakatari is like a boundary town between Abeokuta and Ibadan, if you’re travelling from Abeokuta to Ibadan via Odeda/Osiele road, you cannot escape Bakatari town. I entered a public transport from Asero area of Abeokuta on my way to Ibadan to see my Baba Iyawo and other loyal Facebook friends around 11.30 am in the morning.

I was patiently listening to all the gossips inside this car, I did not even tell anybody that I had just arrived from the United Kingdom 48 hours ago. I acted like a complete gentleman.

When we reached somewhere after Orile-Ilugun, our car started to cough as if recovering from mechanical malaria.

The experienced driver(old man in his 70s!) parked the car by the roadside to check the fault. I also joined the old man to check the engine.It was like the middle of nowhere if attacked, nobody to rescue anybody. That’s just the bitter truth.

To cut the long story short, one stubborn wood got stuck in between the wheels, making a disgusting sound to our ears. The old man crawled under the car to remove the wood while I looked out for coming vehicles. Mission accomplished.

This old driver (Baba Ibadan) said he became a professional driver in 1974. He gave the actual place, date and time. He also told a pathetic story of how police officers implicated and roped his childhood friend (also a bus driver!) into a crime some years ago. This innocent man spent 6 months in prison before freedom. I wept in my heart.

When we got to Bakatari town to meet police checkpoints, this Baba Ibadan said the police officers must always ask for money and quickly warned passengers not to talk because he knew the best way to handle the situation.

This critical moment, one ‘revolutionary’ spirit advised me to break protocol to challenge the bribe-taking police officers but another ‘stubborn’ spirit slapped me for stupidity. (Gani, se ori e daaru ni? Ki ni ti e gan ti awon oloopa ba n gba owo lowo awon onimoto? Dem go just kill you for nothing.)

One plain-clothed ‘police’ officer walked closer to our car, looking at the faces of all passengers as if searching for a ‘criminal’, I cannot describe my bottled anger over this harassment.

Suddenly, he picked one guy(suspected Yahoo-yahoo guy?) with NYSC face cap, he commanded him to come out of the car for a short interrogation. I knew I was likely to be the next target, I had to prepare myself for any question. Must I declare my real identity? Must I tell him I was just in Nigeria for a short visit from Scotland? Can I clearly educate him on human rights of Nigerian citizens under a democratic government?

TO BE CONTINUED…